I was leaving a comment on @strawberryfieldsgirl this morning – her blog was one of those that makes me think…YAH.  That took me to perceptions in my mind.  How do other people see us.  We know who we are within our own minds; yet, how many times are you surprised to learn that someone doesn’t see you the way you think you present yourself.  Especially when you learn their perceptions  are absolutely, totally opposite  how YOU think others see you.  I’ll never forget when a new hire in the jail told someone that I was a bitch.  This woman had seen me once..had talked to me on the intercom perhaps twice..I always try to be on my best behavior at work and treat new people very well….even if I think they are ignorant or dumber than mud …I make it a point to always be friendly with a helpful smile regardless of what I”m thinking…I think they say that is having a good poker face.  She said I was a bitch.  I took it to heart – it didn’t hurt my feelings because I thought she was an idiot and come to find out I was right but it made me stop in my tracks and re-evaluate.

Which leads me to the phrase “you can’t fix stupid”.    You can even try to prepare yourself for stupid…but it only lowers the bar to a new level.  I don’t know what it is?  Small town stupid?  No consequences growing up stupid?  Lack of real intelligence?  apathy? Are truly stupid people even aware that others think they are stupid?  Is it just my perception of stupidity.  No..I don’t think or the buzz phrase “can’t fix stupid” wouldn’t have gotten around so quickly.

Until next time….

I’ve questioned my dysfunctional relationships with friends since I was a teenager.  As I work thru the questions, (be prepared for a long sentence) I now believe that by being an only child of older parents, who had a dysfunctional relationship with each other and expected me to be their one and only true friend, I may be on the path to discovery.

It seems I don’t end friendships they just pass on.  I’ve become friend and confident’ with more people than I care to acknowledge.  In most of these friendships, there hasn’t been a lot of give and take…or should I say, I’ve seen that they have a need, I feel their pain, I become enmeshed in their drama, I’m fulfilled because they need me and find myself once again trying to take care of them and their issues.  My emotions become overwhelmed and I feel like I”m drowning…so I slowly swim away to save myself.  While I know some of these friends like me and depend on ME, many times I am not fulfilled because there is no depth to the relationship and I don’t seek them out when I have a problem.

I’m getting it.

I have several friends that are good friends to me.  We like each other, we care about each other, if one of us is in the valley, we know that the other one will throw a rope.  We don’t have to talk on the phone, we don’t have to see each other every day…we just are.  They cross my path and I cross their path…there is a mutual friendship.

Then there is Margena and there is Kim.  Kim is the real deal.  There is no selfishness to our relationship..she knows every one of my secrets.  Margena is the longest known real deal.  Gena’s life is very difficult right now and I spend time together listening to her right now.  She’s had my back and taken care of me many times in the past.  The other day I was meeting her for dinner and she said that she wanted to meet and watch my face while I talked about my new grandson.  That was one of the most amazing things anyone has ever said to me.  It made me tear up.

I”m learning that I can have friends but I don’t have to be all up in their business and they don’t have to be all up in mine.  It is okay to have different degrees of friendship.

Until next time.

While many folks are struggling with water and sewer backups in their homes due to flooding…others are just trying to keep themselves and their families safe in the rising water and all of the complications.  THEN there are the volunteer EMS and fire departments who are pushing their own needs and safety aside and spending their time helping everyone else.  Yesterday while Kellogg and surrounding areas on Rock Creek and the Skunk River, were drowning in water, these men and women were out putting their lives on the line to protect resources and ensure safety. 

Then, today, Colfax did it.  Some strong winds took down some power lines, tree limbs, trees were catching on fire and when it rains it pours, there were several folks needing medics to help them with oxygen or trips to the hospital…all of this…while one of their own passes from this life under hospice care.  I’m sure each and everyone one of them wanted to just sit awhile and mourn the loss of Lola…but they just kept at it…doing what needed to be done. 

I’m so honored to work with these folks!

Until next time…

Facebook message from him this morning.

10:56am

Philip Brown

Nina.  Did you know that I can see, with the aid of the binoculars, the rain gage while lying in our bed?  We have three inches as of about 11:00.

This should give everyone a really good idea how fun it is to have a retired husband.   I did laugh out loud and thanked him for my morning blog material.

I’m guessing he is still in bed this morning or actually back to bed because he fell off of a ladder yesterday…it was a significant fall and he landed on his back on some railroad ties.  His brother was there…I was mowing a long way from where they were working on the house.  totally oblivious.  After this fall, he went back up on the ladder to finish the job, they went to visit their mother in the nursing home, went to the grocery store and carried groceries in.  It wasn’t until he was fixing supper that my brother in law said…uh…did your husband tell you that he fell off of a ladder this morning.  There was a very slight neg shake of the head and he didn’t face me. HE WASN’T GOING TO TELL ME!  He’s fine other than some red marks and bruising.  He’s a super hero.

This is why it is imperative that I retire so I can keep an eye on him!

Until next time….

Backing out of the drive this morning, I noticed there was 2 inches in the rain gauge…before I put it in drive, I actually noticed that it was a hair below 2 inches and I wondered if he would tell me that we got 1 inch and 97/100′s of an inch of rain last night.  The exactness of his rain gauge reporting irritates me so much that I want to put a small pinhole in the bottom of the gauge just so he won’t actually know how much rain we really received…OH HE WILL THINK HE KNOWS…but I will know that he REALLY doesn’t know.  These evil thoughts are the culmination of 37 years of asking this man what time it is.  He always rounds up and down.  It’s 7:20…what time is it – 7:30.  It’s 10:18..what time is it – about 10:30.  I have even gotten haughty, corrected him, shown my irritation and asked for the “real time” in a voice which would melt steel.  It’s 11:12 … what time is it …11 o’clock.  Are you addressing envelopes to me now with a supply of straight pins for his rain gauge?  Are you thinking – why does she keep asking or why doesn’t she get a watch…to that I say SHUT IT!

My shower thoughts this morning were about tattlers.  I came up with this definition for the people with a tattle tail personality affliction the other day at work when I was taking numerous tattle complaints from people.  You can always tell a road rage call from the public because they are loud, angry, talk fast and they did absolutely nothing to cause the other person to swerve, honk, tailgate, flip off…  The general tattlers usually have the victim demeanor…the little old church lady voice..oh my, they are going to hurt someone…or themselves…I don’t usually get very excited about these kind of calls.  I put out the information to the officers who rarely are in a position to find the offender.  If I get a second or third call about the same vehicle, I sit a little straighter and believe that we may have a serious offender…then there is the motorcyclist driving erratically in and out of traffic…seriously….do you really think the police officer in his big cruiser is going to be able to catch the motorcycle in and out of traffic.  With motorcyclist, you always figure their luck will run out at some point.

Wow….I feel better getting that off my chest

Until next time

with the comments I got about women having to change their name at marriage.  I actually heard nothing con on the subject but lots of pros.  @goneretired made another point… she told her husband that he could change his last name to her last name if it was so important.  Bravo!!

Downloaded a countdown app on my Ipad this week.  Countdown to retirement because I”m now under a year.  If, at any point you want to know how much time I have left, just ask…I can let you know down to the seconds.

Jaxon is gaining weight and doing well…I got to see him for a few minutes via Skype last night.  His parents both have colds…I’m sure because of lack of sleep and stress…

Brother-in-law, niece and nephew spent the night last night.  They are in town to visit Grandma Brown – they got in late last night so I didn’t get to see them…but they were up early this morning to say Goodbye before I went to work.  They are adults now…but I still say they are great “kids”.

@Tracy‘s daughter is getting married today…I wish for them a great family day…

Bug is finishing up her last month in Ohio…I’m guessing she has a countdown timer going for her big move back to Iowa.

I’m working today – seriously don’t mind working on the weekend unless everyone else is doing something that I want to do!  For me…right at this moment…I’m content.

Until next time….

I woke up thinking I had been dreaming about pregnant animals today.  It may have been pigs..but thankfully it was one of those dreams that dissolved nearly before I could get my eyes open.  I also woke up in the middle of the night not being able to figure out where I was sleeping and where exactly the bedroom door was.  Haven’t had those kind of unnerving thoughts since I worked thru the pain of my dad dying back in the early 2000′s.  I think it has to do with the incredible amount of things on my mind and I can’t seem to close any of the doors…it has put me quite out of sorts during the awake part of my days too.  It irritated me the way he opened the garage door last night…are you with me here.

@Skanickadee got the wheels turning this morning with her blog on marriage name changing.  She is very traditional and a realist and her way often grounds me when I’m on a tangent.  She brought up the topic of women changing their last name when they marry.  This has been probably the biggest feminist issue with me of all time…well, that and gender equality and same pay issues and my lack of desire to stay barefoot, pregnant in the kitchen…If I had it to do all over again…I would not have changed my last name.  I think it is utterly ridiculous that women have to change their name.  THEIR NAME!  Their identity.  I remember when I was younger…okay…more recently too. ..the discussion about if so-and-so doesn’t have a boy, the name will die off with this generation…in fact @Tracy mentioned that this morning also.  WHAT.  We need boys?  It only puts another check in the blue column of why girls are second class citizens right from birth.  Hyphenated names – makes the most sense….but…I wish there were more sides to this coin..because daily, I deal with hyphenated names…first generation – great..but what happens when the girl marries…to stick with my take on it – if Green-Brown is my daughter’s maiden name, does she hyphenate again?  Because using my theory…Green-Brown is her name – her identity – her heritage…dropping one of her last names to hyphenate with another name just presents the same problem?  Theoretically – it could go on and on and on and that would be stupid and inconvenient the first time you have to sign up for something with the government.  The other argument…if you don’t take the husband’s name…what last name do the children use…if they use the father’s last name which is probably what would happen, then the mother has a different last name.  So…like everything else..until a solution is found, I guess I will have to conform.   Oh wait…I already did.

I have other opinions today, but I totally lost myself in the last paragraph…so

Until next time….

Since Sunday, I’ve been thinking about my apathetic thoughts on Mother’s Day.  My family history always included celebrating everything that Hallmark celebrated.  I, somewhat, did that while my kids were growing up just because my mother was around and a big part of it.  Which makes me wonder if I continued it because my mother expected it.  I’ve grown overly SICK AND TIRED with the commercialism and the being better than the neighbors mentality.  For starters, weddings.  The amount of money mothers and daughters are willing to spend on an extravagent  wedding and celebration astounds me.  All of this hoo ra for an event that will last for a very few hours, signalling the hope of 75 years together with pictures which will be put away somewhere after 5 years and loss of memory of the night with the frolicking and consumptions of too much alcohol.  Most weddings these days cost a great home down payment. Seriously…is no one embarrassed by this?

Back to the holidays.  I never have figured out why we celebrate MLK and the presidents with a day off for everyone, yet force veterans to work on Veterans day.  Most folks just celebrate Memorial Day as a great weekend off at the beginning of summer and today’s generations have no idea that Memorial Day actually means something.  We are no longer a Monday thru Friday work force…but christians are not fighting for their fellow christians to have Easter Sunday off work…Mother’s Day/Father’s Day/Take your kid to work Day, Grandparents Day, Earth Day, Give up smoking Day…  It’s not about the sentiment anymore…it’s all in celebration of retail and so the media has something to talk about.  St Patrick’s day.  Does anyone really know what it is other than green beer day?  I’m not even going to touch on Halloween,Thanksgiving and Christmas all rolled into one.

Which brings me to Television.  I read the list planted on Facebook of the shows which are not going to be renewed this fall by the big 3.  I thought you all might want to know what I have cancelled on the DVR.  I can’t do Grey’s Anatomy anymore…I can give or take the Mentalist..I have problems with what’s her name…I’ve shut down on The Americans…too much drama with nothing happening.  I quit Criminal Minds..love the characters but too much violence, especially violence to women.  Mike and Molly is becoming hit and miss although I think some of the characters are refreshing.  Oh and for the most part.  I hate cliffhangers for the season finale.  I will have to say Downton Abbey did throw a big wrench into their season finale…they killed off a main, beloved character.  That was big and bold.  Leave the appearances of death or the end of life out of the story line because next season, they are back with a scar.  Similar to soap operas which are ridiculed for their back to life storylines…and you know everyone loves to bash those soaps!

Until next time…

As I was hugging Jenny before we left her house Monday morning, May 6, she told me that while going to sleep the night before she was deeply thinking aka talking to the baby and asked when he would be born…her answer was May 7th….she thought – hahahaha May 7th is tomorrow.  She was due on June 10th. 

2330 hours she called me to tell me she thought her water broke and Justin was calling the doctor.  I thought…OH HONEY…NOT YET and fell back to sleep.  2 hours later Justin called and said – ya…water broke…they are going to keep her - WOW…exhausted..won’t be for awhile…go back to sleep.  2 hours later…contractions 20 minutes apart…go back to sleep this is her first baby…sleep a couple of hours and head back to Missouri. 

0630 jumped out of bed – totally awake and in a panic..what did I miss.  Shower and pack – on the road to Missouri in 45 minutes.

5 weeks premature – Jaxon Dale Callaghan… PERFECT!!!

He’s going to be a Chief’s fan.  There may be some disappointments ahead for him. 

Until next time….

My week started out a week ago Saturday…the 4th of May.  What was planned just to be a long weekend in Kansas City with my PG daughter and her mate.  We had talked to a realtor earlier in the week and decided to look at some houses in the Lee’s Summit area for a move after I retire in a year.  He said we could start looking at some houses in the spring.  I had been on line for quite a while looking, looking, looking at realtor pics and descriptions and had a few picked out that I wanted to walk thru.  @hippo63 put me in touch with a realtor in the area and we met with Sandy on Monday.  We traipsed thru a lot of nice homes in the area…just not feeling it…our last home was a few miles away from the area of concentration…she told us that it was directly on a lake had a large yard and was in the small town of Pleasant Hill, MO…about 14 miles from Justin and Jenny.  At the time, I thought – hmmmm – probably not what we are going to want…I’m done…I’m ready to head back to Iowa.  But….. Holy Mortgage, Batman.  I walked thru the door and said out loud.  THIS IS IT.

We drove back to Iowa in the after glow.  Did the whole signing papers on-line thru DOT-LOOP.  I love technology!  Did a few things around the house, decided to go to bed, turned on the TV to give my brain some quiet time and started the panic.  But, panic over the house wouldn’t last very long…moving right along to 2330 that night……..